Sunday, June 22, 2014

First Day of Summer

Here it is....Summer is here. I woke up startled and I know it will be this way for a while. I open up the computer, the first page on my MSN site states

Here we go, then I did what I shouldn't have, I went to Facebook. There was a friend who posted that no way she could ever leave her child in the car. Everyone chimed in and everyone had their judgements. All I could think about were the babies. These parents will never be the same, and these children never have a chance to live.

Getting through the day without talking about it drove me to do these blogs. I sit in the heat of the day because we can't put the air conditioning on since it costs so much. I watch the dog as he pants, and watch her as she tries to withstand the heat with her condition. I try to shake the thoughts and just be thankful we have each other, and then something reminds me again.

In just a few short weeks an anniversary of the most horrific day of my life is on the way. That is in the back of my mind always. Another thing I don't talk about. Another thing that no one wants to hear about. Another thing over 15 years ago that affects me each and every day.

I hate summer. 

I wish everyone enjoys all their trips, the beaches, the family times.
I want nothing more than to see people enjoy their lives and I can live through them. Summer for someone who can't breathe due to cancer is scary. I worry. I worry a lot. I just sit back and pray nothing will happen this summer.

I had to stop as the chest pains got worse.
I spent the day in massive pain, missed a celebration with friends
and funny thing
except Diana.