Sunday, July 13, 2014

A very nice weekend was just what I needed.
Spent quite a bit of time with my daughter who is getting married this fall. I had a great time and I was super excited that we were together as long as we were. She lives in Richmond, and even if it isn't that far, I miss her more than she could ever know.

I am the type of mom who doesn't want the kids to feel obligated to visit, or call or even care, I want them to do it because they want to. They each show me in their own way, how they care and how much they love and appreciate me. That is love and that is how I love it~

Not that I don't wish sometimes I was pushy and didn't have a hard time making them feel guilty, but I truly don't want it that way.

Along with spending valuable quality time with her, I also got to see my son, daughter n law most of the grandchildren and Diana seemed to have a good weekend too.

These are the things that are important. Everyone we love being okay~
Even the dog had a great time running and barking and breaking his leash. A good time for all.

Now it is back to work. For me that consists of Sunday through Friday, on the computer, usually over 18 hours a day posting all over social media about the businesses in the network. I start the night before and post on Promote Commotion, each business and also events coming up. This is time consuming but each post goes to 8 - 10 sites~~Then the next day I post these businesses on at least 5- 8 more sites. I do this every day and do it all for less than $2.50 cents a day in most cases.

Tonight I feel like a fool. I gave many special rates when I started and promised never to raise prices as long as they stay.  Now some of them want more...for the same money. One even wanted to barter services. If it were at the prices I charge now, I still don't feel it is fair. Would any of them work for $2.50 a day?  

I feel like I am as dumb as they come when it comes to this and have some heavy duty thinking to do. I enjoyed it more when I did it for free and did all the businesses I thought were cool, and helped small business owners get some shout outs. But I can't pay for food, meds, or anything that way.

Also getting ready turn a year older, with 2 degrees and another I have I refused to accept, and I can't even get another job.  Leaves lots to think about for sure. 

But for now, I am thanking God for this weekend, looking forward to the week ahead as it is suppose to cool down and we can breathe. Thanking God for what I do have and giving me strength to make the right decisions coming up ~~~

Sunday's have always been a great time to think.....

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Just another reason I hate the summer.

Today is my mom's birthday. She hasn't been gone too long, not as long as my dad, but it feels like yesterday she was laughing and smiling.

The summer months are hard, and have been for many many years. She was one of the few I could talk to about finding the baby in that car. She understood why it affected me so much. 

She also was here when I found out about the monster, and what he had done. It also was a time when it almost destroyed our relationship. There was a period of time wasted because of her beliefs in thinking sinners needed our love and testimonies and in my view it was her showing the monster support. The best gift I got was to have that all talked out, worked out and when she finally understood how her beliving God wanted her to **save** the sinner felt like she turned her back on the victim.  We were good, we were closer than ever after that.

But today she is gone. She is with my dad, in fact my entire family minus my 3 brothers and a few cousins that only exist on Facebook.

Family....When you have it you just take advantage of it. You always expect them to be there, and when they aren't. It is all you want.

You make your life the way you think you want, but in the end, it isn't what you wanted after all. Then it is too late.

It takes more than 1 to make that family close again. If only 1 tries, it never works.

Happy Birthday mom ~~ Miss you more than you will ever know~ 
Hug my dad~~~Kiss my Granny~~ You three made me who I am.
Thanks for that~

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

This is NOT OK!!!

Brand new oxygen concentrator~~~The last one burned her lungs and melted plastic which went to her lungs~~

Last night, an awful sound started and we discovered once more the filter was burning. Thankfully we had another filter, and today she can't breathe, talk and feels like someone choked her all night.

These are the same people who have given us trouble for a long long time. Will it take for someone to die to get this problem fixed?  They are on their way~~~It is 3:00 pm and they were called first thing this morning.

So much for caring???  How she keeps fighting these medical companies who only care about getting their money,  I will never understand.

Her drugs are covered for the month and for that we are very thankful. The heat is horrible and our fans don't work so well, I worry about her breathing in this heat, and we are on the top floor.

Faith~~I have faith something will give....sooner or later something has to give~~

Monday, July 7, 2014

Oh My

What an amazing roller coaster week~ Full of sadness, crying, laughing and joy. 

Great friends who renewed our faith, an 8 year old that makes us crazy, and the nightmares turned almost funny last night.

Life...Its funny how it goes. Stressed to the max, and I will always say. Laughter is indeed the best medicine. Looking for more of it. Looking for peace~

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

It isn't about the cancer, It is all about the money.

From the beginning it was about the money.
The tests, the treatments, the drugs~~ All about what she could afford.
After fighting and not living up to the doctors predictions of being gone in 6 months, it has turned into money control.

She lost her job, her career, her retirement, and her insurance. She struggled until Medicare came in to play. Now it is worse than ever.
She was better off before she had any kind of insurance.

The drug stores don't care what they hand her, twice she has been given a drug that she is allergic to. Twice they tried to convince her that it was the same. Different manufacturer and because of the cost, they won't carry it. They won't even order it. Twice two different companies almost killed her.  Same with the oxygen.  To save money they are using a generic filter. It doesn't fit. In fact it melts. It almost killed her. It took months to make them see. It took her almost dying to get it taken care of.

Fight for your life only to fight against those who supposedly are to help you.  THEY DON'T~~~BECAUSE IT IS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY~

After 7 years of paying full price because her life saving cough syrup wasn't covered, it is finally covered and she gets a break. Until the drug companies decide they won't use that manufacturer. The next drug cost triple the amount. 

They don't care she fights every day. They just care about the money.
From both of us having careers and money to finding things to sell to get her drugs. What did she fight for???  This is no way for anyone to have to live after giving all their life to the medical field. Working hard and caring so much. Only to find out no one cares~~ No one except us~~

Life isn't about what you do....It is about how lucky you are. Get Cancer~~ Live past your expiration date given and it is almost like you are punished.

She is a fighter, but damn, does she have to fight every day ~~~ The tumor is still there, it is not active, in her lung or brain. She fights the pain and continues to believe. She is the strongest person I have ever known, She nor anyone deserves this~~~